Once upon a time, blah blah blah, you know the tired old drill. Anyway, there was a certain old man from a rather famous family (whose crest was that of a raging bull) who left his estate to his three sons.[1] The eldest acquired the rather wealthy tractor-making business, the second the equally impressive sports car manufacturing plant, while the youngest nothing but a cat.

While the cat was indeed a remarkable specimen, with his shiny black hair and remarkably large brown eyes (with such nicely defined eyelines!), the young fellow was quite understandably disappointed with his share.

"My brothers," said the blonde, sticking his lower lip out in a rather cute pout, "will definitely live handsomely enough with their inheri... inrehi... grr, property, but what about me? All I have is this cat. I might get some money if I sell him to a pet shop, but the money won't last long."

The cat glared at him, but since the blonde was a bit of a clueless soul, the young fellow completely missed it. Sighing, the cat said, "Don't worry, my good (albeit clueless) master. You have only to provide me a bag, and get a nice pair of boots made for me to walk in, and then you will see that you have a pretty good portion of the estate after all."

"Sorry?"

The cat groaned and rolled his eyes before he said, "Give me a bag and a pair of boots unless you want to starve to death."

"Oh."

Since the cat's master had seen the black feline play a great many cunning tricks on the household staff (and not to mention he also knew that the feline was also responsible for some spectacular scratching and biting episodes) he gave the cat the bag and the pair of boots. Once the cat had what he asked for, he wore his boots, slung the bag over his shoulder and off the Takeponkitty went.

Off to where, you ask? To some warren to catch rabbits? Or perhaps to a field to catch partridges?

Not in this tale.

Takeponkitty went into town, where he promptly spotted an armed robbery in progress at the local bank. Thinking quickly, he stuffed a heavy brick into his bag, and calmly trotted inside the bank, meowing and blinking his large eyes in pure innocence. The robber foolishly ignored the cute and harmless-looking cat, and Takeponkitty promptly jumped and bashed the robber's brains out with the brick in his bag when the fellow turned his back on him.

Pleased, the bank manager rewarded Takeponkitty with a rather nice amount of cash. Proud of his achievement, Takeponkitty went to the local hospital, which was owned by a rather prominent family, and donated some of the reward money for medical research.

"I am giving you, sir, this money on behalf of my master, Keisuke of Akagi."

The director of the hospital received the donation with great pleasure. "Tell your master," he said, "that I thank him."

Takeponkitty then returned back to his master, gave the fellow a bit of the reward money and kept the rest for himself, for he was saving up to buy a Skyline GT-R. And then off he went into town again, this time, stumbling into a hostage situation. He innocently padded off into the building, and again, when the criminal's back was turned, saved the day by covering the fellow's head with his sack and finishing off with a flying kick that sent the man crashing out of the window and into the waiting arms of the police. As before, Takeponkitty received a handsome reward and off he went to make yet another donation to the hospital.

This went on for two or three months; Takeponkitty would do some great superhero (or is it superkitty?) deed and receive some form of reward, where he would donate some of it to the hospital before giving a bit to his master and saving the remainder.

One day, when he knew that the director of the hospital was taking a little trip to the country, along the riverside with his offspring Ryousuke, the most beautiful med student in the world, he told his master Keisuke:

"Here's what you should do! Strip and wash yourself in the river, and leave the rest to me."

"Eew... but the water's all cold and I dunno, it might be dirty-"

"STRIP NEKKID AND GET IN THAT RIVER!" snarled Takeponkitty, giving his master one hell of a glare as he brandished his claws in a particularly menacing gesture.

Keisuke gulped and promptly did what the car ordered him to, not knowing why. While he was washing himself in the river (and Takeponkitty took the opportunity to take a few pictures, hoping to sell them later to add to his GT-R fund), the director passed by, and the cat cried out:

"Help! My Lord Keisuke is going to drown!"

Hearing the commotion, the director looked around and finding that it was the black cat who had often donated money to medical research on behalf of his master, the director ordered his staff to run and help. Once a wet and confused Keisuke was retrieved from the river, Takeponkity explained to the director that while his master was bathing in the river, some thieves ran off with his clothes. The director then ordered one of his staff to fetch some clothes for his lordship Keisuke.

Ryousuke took an inclination to the handsome blonde (and who wouldn't, with him being all wet and nekkid and yummy) and was mildly disappointed once Keisuke was properly clothed. Keisuke also thought the dark-haired young man was rather fine, and found himself thinking some inappropriate thoughts. Takeponkitty noticed this and sniggered quietly, happy that his little project was showing success.

He quickly ran off ahead and reached a castle, the master of which was an ogre called Kenta. Takeponkitty, who had taken precautions to inform himself of just who this Kenta was and what he could do (which wasn't much), asked to speak with the ogre. He claimed that he was a postman and he had a registered letter that needed to be signed for.

The ogre, being not terribly bright, bought the lame excuse and was in fact rather excited, for he had never received a registered letter before, and promptly received the cat.

"So where do I sign?" Kenta asked.

"Right here," Takeponkitty replied before giving the ogre a dose of Mace. The ogre dropped to the floor, unconscious, and Takeponkitty pushed him out of the window, where he fell to his doom.

Meanwhile the director passed the fine castle and decided that he should pay it a visit. Takeponkitty, who heard the director's party approaching the drawbridge, promptly ran out and welcomed him.

"Welcome to his Lordship Keisuke's castle!" said the cat.

"Wow!" cried the director, "I had no idea this castle belongs to you, your Lordship!"

"Um... yeah," Keisuke replied, nodding after Takeponkitty glared at him to do so.

"We must see this fine place!" said the director, and they all entered the castle. They walked into a huge dining hall where a magnificent spread (which Kenta had prepared for his ogre friends, but they dared not enter the place since there was a homicidal little kitty around) was waiting on the table. The director was perfectly charmed with all this and seeing that Ryousuke had taken an eye to Keisuke, and vice versa, said after a few glasses of wine:

"It will be a great honour, my Lord Keisuke, if you are to be my son-in-law."

Keisuke blinked.

"He wants to know if you wanna get hitched with Ryousuke there!" Takeponkitty hissed softly, and Keisuke promptly beamed and bowed, accepting the honour conferred upon him.

The pair then lived happily ever after, and as for Takeponkitty, he became a great lord and finally bought his dream black Skyline GT-R. He raced rather often with a certain long-haired and nasal-voiced kitty in a red Civic.

Also, Takeponkitty still offered advice to his master Keisuke, and occasionally even bit and scratched him whenever the blonde made unkind remarks about the cat's car.

[1] Take a nice, long look at the Lamborghini logo - and yes, the company did start out making tractors. ^_-

Ryou: Most beautiful med student in the world? >_<
hase: Will you stop complaining?